10 Easy Ways to Please Your Partner

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Too often, communication between long term couples can be reduced to "shop talk"- the boring, logistical pieces of your lives. Did you take out the trash? What  time is the dinner on Sunday? Are examples of shop talk- and loving relationships need much more than that to keep up the connection.

Deeper communications may require an internal shift and some action around "small talk", and what I consider the lifeblood of any healthy relationship. Here are some ways to get the conversation started.

 Thank you for...

Everyone likes to be acknowledged and appreciated for what they do. Thank your partner for more than what you just asked them to do. Thank your partner for being a great parent, or always making time for you. 

How do you feel about...

Ask, and then really listen to what your partner is saying. Try to withhold judgement, and see what their response is.  

I forgive you...

Accepting your partner's apology for their mistakes is a way to let go of resentment, and that frees you both.  In fact, admitting your own mistakes may make you feel vulnerable, but your honesty is likely to inspire your partner to do the same.   

I agree with you because...

On any given day, we have people in  our lives that seem to love to disagree with us. Validating your partner's point of view  and perspective helps them feel heard, and strengthens the bond between the two of you.  

What are you reading?...What do you think about?...

Open up non "shop" talk communication on an intellectual level and you may feel the warmth of common views- or the sparks of difference- that drew you together in the past. Another version is Where do you want to be in five years? ... Listen to what your partner's vision is, and then share your own. The answers might inspire a new, shared plan or uncover hidden needs. 

Find your own variations of the questions above, or use these. Either way, you'll be sure to close some distance between yourself and your partner- and who knows where that will lead.   

Pack Your Bags

Doctors often use the word trauma to describe the effects of serious injury to the physical body, and the bruising  that is left behind from the sudden impact. We can also experience emotional trauma in the same way, and the bruising can be just as severe as with a physical wound. Just like a wound to our physical bodies, emotional trauma requires care and attention so that it may heal.

 If the trauma is left unresolved, it may affect our sense of self and wholeness as a person. This in turn affects our relationships, by bringing a piece of “baggage” into our present.  Emotional trauma can result from any experience in which a person feels that their life or well being is endangered. These experiences can be a divorce, and affair, or other life changing events. Our natural instinct is to protect ourselves, and may manifest as avoidance, denial or repression of the event. Symptoms of unresolved trauma may include addictive behaviors, anxiety and depression.   

 The impact on relationships is severe- wounds that continue to fester, low self esteem, and a complete unawareness of the intensity of negative emotions that are present. Triggers are common, and may unintentionally reopen the wound.

 When trying to heal a trauma from your past, what can you do to resolve the unresolvable?

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If you have had a traumatic event that is affecting your relationship, here are some ways to begin the healing process.  

 1. Understand trauma and its affects- read books, talk with a therapist, and get some outside help. Trauma is very difficult to deal with alone.

2. Develop emotional resilience- as hard as it is, you need  to experience your feelings, not push them away. This can also be accomplished through the help of a therapist.

3. Learn new ways of self soothing- develop self caring behaviors that give you positive feelings. These positive feelings will also spill over into your other relationships.

4. Make sure that you give yourself time- and lots of it. Healing does not take place overnight, and everyone heals at their own pace.

 Healing of trauma is like the healing of any other broken body part, and essential to a whole, healthy life. Making efforts to heal brings us more into the present, making room for connection and intimacy with our loved ones. If you have suffered a trauma, don’t wait any longer to begin the healing process. You’ll be glad that you did. 

Ten Hot Tips to Rekindle the Romance With Your Wife

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Physical intimacy is important in a relationship, everyone wants affection! One top complaint from men in relationships is when the physical intimacy takes a nosedive. Unfortunately, when those snuggles and more become non-existent everyone can feel a little left out in the cold. Here are ten tips on how to rekindle the romance!

  1.  You know those little things she asks you to do, but they seem to slip your mind? Like, put your socks in the hamper, or take the trash out? Make a concerted effort to do those things so that she knows you are listening and that you do care about her comfort. No one feels sexy towards the person whose socks they have to pick up.

  2.  Send her sweet and perhaps slightly seductive texts during the day when you are at work. 

  3. Suggest taking a shower together, offer to wash her hair for her while you are in there. How luxurious does it feel to have your hair washed by someone else? Very, and it’s definitely hot. 

  4.  Plan an evening without her input. Hire the babysitter, pick the restaurant and take her to a movie that you know she wants to see at the theater. 

  5.  Run her a bubble bath. Then while she is luxuriating amidst the bubbles, bring in a tray with chocolate covered strawberries and a glass of wine. Do not allow children, pets or phone calls to interrupt her bliss. 

  6.  Rub her feet! Bonus points if you use a yummy scented lotion and extra bonus points if you paint her toenails for her. 

  7.  Write a sweet note and leave it in her car, on her pillow or in the bathroom. 

  8.  Wash her car for her. Bonus points if you do it without a shirt on. 

  9.  Tell her what is attractive about her. Not just “You have a great rack sweetie!”, but tell her what makes her special. “I love the way you laugh, it is so sexy.” is specific to her, not just a general compliment. 

  10.  Ask her what she needs from you, and mean it. Most dead bedrooms come from lack of communication between partners. Both people want to be close, but needs may not be met in other areas, which makes intimacy harder. 

With these ten tips hopefully you will be able to strengthen your bond and heat up the bedroom!