Can Your Relationship Survive Infidelity? And Should It?

Can Your Relationship Survive Infidelity? And Should It?

Relationship_survive_InfidelityTrust. It is the foundation of any relationship. There are few things that can break the trust in a relationship as well as cheating can. Now, is cheating a deal-breaker? Not necessarily. It certainly doesn't have to ring an end to a normal healthy relationship.

Have you been cheated on? Before you end your relationship, it is important to think carefully and consider the circumstances. Consider your partner as a whole. Is he/she otherwise honest? It won't be easy, but if you trust your partner and feel that they are truly remorseful, you may want to consider working through the infidelity to keep your relationship.

But what if they have a track pattern of infidelity and other dishonest behavior? If so, you first need to decide if you are willing to stay. If you do decide to stay, it is important that both you and your partner are willing to work together to get to the root of these issues. Sit down together and establish game plan, such as couples' counseling. Know that if they cannot be open, honest and willing to admit that there is an issue, counseling won't be effective...and their dishonest behavior is likely to continue.

While considering your partner, don't forget to consider yourself. Think about how being cheated on made you feel. Can you forgive them and let go? If not, that is perfectly okay. Think deeply about yourself and the principles that you value and live your life by. You might feel that this is the ultimate betrayal and that you cannot stay with your partner. There is no point in staying in a relationship if you know that you won't be happy. If you decide to stay, know that your feelings of hurt, betrayal and disappointment will fade with time as long as both you and your significant other work together to rebuild the bridge of trust that once bonded you together as a couple.

Ultimate Betrayal - Life After Infidelity Part 2

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The High Stakes of Infidelity - Part 2

Life after infidelityIn our last post, we discussed some of the critical factors that often determine whether a marriage will stay intact after infidelity or whether it will dissolve.  In this post, we will discuss what is most likely the greatest determinant of the survival of a marriage and some thoughts on how to arrive at the best outcome.

The Highest Stake

One of the biggest factors that determines the outcome of a marriage after infidelity is the family unit. Once children enter a marriage, parents make countless sacrifices for the health and welfare of their children, and unfaithfulness presents another potential sacrifice on the part of one parent.

Most children are blissfully unaware of marital issues, but instead are living their young lives, unconsciously benefiting from the foundational stability provided by the family unit. As difficult as it is, a spouse who found out their partner cheated on them has to consider whether the pain is severe enough to warrant changing the lives of their children forever through divorce.

Final Thoughts

To arrive at the right decision, it might be helpful to consider the long-term outcome of either staying together or splitting up the family. Can you envision a repaired marriage, an intact stable family and joy in the outcome of a job well done after a lifetime of honoring your commitment? If you dissolve the marriage, what will the lives of your children look like after they grow up? What will your life look like, years down the road?

After infidelity, your future and the future of your children are at a crossroads. Getting beyond the pain in order to look at the long-term consequences of deciding which path to take is not easy, but can be helpful in order to choose the best possible outcome.

Ultimate Betrayal - Life after infidelity Part 1

InfidelityThe High Stakes of Infidelity - Part 1 There are probably a million and one reasons as to why one of the partners in a marriage decides to indulge in infidelity.  Sometimes it is a one time betrayal, whereas in other relationships the cheating partner returns again and again to unfaithfulness.  No matter how little or how many times it happens, the faithful partner almost always seriously considers immediately ending the marriage.  Yet as painful as betrayal is, some couples actually honor their commitment to one another, repair their marriage and go on to live faithfully to and for each other.  So what are some of the critical factors that lead to a repaired marriage after infidelity?

In this two-part series, we will explore some of these critical factors.

How Many Times?

When the affair is first uncovered, almost every wounded partner wants to know how many times did the cheating occur.  Of course, every interaction of unfaithful intimacy matters deeply to the wounded spouse.  If the unfaithfulness consisted of an unplanned one-time occurrence, there is most likely a greater chance of forgiveness than discovering your partner indulged in serial infidelity.

Commitment and Personal Faith

In these days of no-fault divorce and re-marriages galore, it is easy to assume that all marriages should dissolve after infidelity.  However, many people still value the seriousness in which they entered their marriage commitment, and the vow they made before their God is not something they want to break.  Some people choose to lean very heavily on their faith to carry them through their most painful moments and decide to stay after many months of soul-searching, religious counseling and finding wisdom and strength through their spiritual faith.

In part two, we will explore the last critical factor and offer some advice on how to arrive at the best outcome after infidelity.