Is your sex life like McDonalds? Filling, but full of empty calories? Satisfying, but nothing special? Let's face it, we all go to McDonalds occasionally, but if you eat nothing but a plain hamburger every day, you probably need to branch out to something more appetizing, like a Double McRib sometimes. If your sex life also seems like an old, stale cheeseburger, maybe it's time for you to review what's going on in your relationship sexually. Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- I enjoy sex with my partner on a regular basis; it is always a pleasure and never feels like a duty I must fulfill.
- Experimentation and play are key elements in my sexual expression.
- My partner and I make time for sex and don't allow it to be put on the back burner.
- I am affectionate with my partner, knowing that loving touch increases levels of oxytocin, the "bonding hormone"- and encourages lovemaking.
So, looking through all of these statements, what did you answer and how does your relationship measure up? Let's look at these ideas individually. . .
- Enjoying sex with your partner on a regular basis is a must for healthy expression and satisfying relationships. What you have to define for yourselves is what "regular basis" looks like within your relationship, not anybody else's. Having sex because it is your "duty" doesn't help you or your partner foster intimate connections. And if you are looking at sex as just another box that needs to be checked off of your "to do" list, you are missing the point of the intimate connection.
- Experimentation and sexual play are like putting frosting on a cake- not entirely necessary, but really adding some sweet, intense elements to an already delicious endeavor. If you have not experimented lately, find something new- like toys, lotions, or a game that is mutually acceptable and give it a try. You will be surprised at how exciting things can turn out.
- One of the complaints that I hear most from my clients is that having to schedule sex takes the spontaneity and fun right out of it. Yes, having to schedule sex can sound rigid, but the reality is that most people have such busy lives; if it doesn't get planned it doesn't happen. While putting a little afternoon delight into your day timer isn't spontaneous, what you do with that time can be. So, don't put sex onto the back burner, because you will not get to it on a regular basis.
- Oxytocin is known as the hormone that helps with feelings of closeness and contentment, and can be released through skin to skin touch. Being affectionate with your partner, touching and bonding will encourage the feeling of desire and arousal.
So, while McDonald's is filling, eating there regularly is not going to give you a vibrant, healthy experience. Try branching out to a "Happy Meal" once in a while and see how your relationship thrives.