Sleep and have sex, right? But you can't have one without the other. Sometimes, we don't even realize what our bedroom is saying to us- we just know that it isn't a place that makes us feel recharged, intimate or close. I recently worked with a couple that was having difficulties in the bedroom (you can guess with what!). After some probing questions and evaluation, it appeared that the bedroom furniture they were using was left over from a previous relationship. Needless to say, the couple was having problems with feeling close and intimate in the room, as the presence of the last lover was still there.
A quick fix was to banish the furniture to the garage, clear out the bad memories that were lingering, and fill the room with new furniture that the couple went and picked out together. Although it may seem obvious that trying to be intimate on a bed that holds bad memories would stifle your desire, sometimes we need to look at the whole picture to determine what the problem really is. The end result was a much more satisfying sex life for this couple.
Making sure that your bedroom is a great place for both intimacy and a sound sleep can be tough- trying to match both partners needs and wants around a good night's sleep. Here are some tips to help keep the bedroom both intimate and functional:
- Make your bedroom a retreat from the world by adding comfortable linens, pillows and bedding. Remember how cozy a hotel bed can feel? It's all about the softness and comfort factor that is there- so add some to your own bed. Aromatherapy is great too, use some vanilla or lavender candles to improve the mood and set the tone for sleep and other intimate activities.
- Keep the room free of TV, video games or other electronics. These can be noisy, distracting and energy drainers- not what you want to have going on in the bedroom.
- Invest in some attractive, comfortable pajamas- cozy doesn't necessarily mean old, worn or ugly. The right pajamas can look and feel good to both of you. Send the message that you still care about how you look!
- Compromise on the temperature and light in the room- if you prefer the air like the arctic and your partner is more of a tropical person, agree on a temperature that you can both live with and be accommodating to one another. Have extra blankets around or a heating pad handy so that you can both enjoy your sleep without arguments.
Keeping your bedroom a healthy, functioning environment will help you and your relationship function better too. Remember that changes can be quick and easy, but still make a huge impact on your love life.