The Bedroom is the Best Place to...

The Bedroom is the Best Place to...Sleep and have sex, right? But you can't have one without the other. Sometimes, we don't even realize what our bedroom is saying to us- we just know that it isn't a place that makes us feel recharged, intimate or close. I recently worked with a couple that was having difficulties in the bedroom (you can guess with what!). After some probing questions and evaluation, it appeared that the bedroom furniture they were using was left over from a previous relationship. Needless to say, the couple was having problems with feeling close and intimate in the room, as the presence of the last lover was still there.

A quick fix was to banish the furniture to the garage, clear out the bad memories that were lingering, and fill the room with new furniture that the couple went and picked out together.  Although it may seem obvious that trying to be intimate on a bed that holds bad memories would stifle your desire, sometimes we need to look at the whole picture to determine what the problem really is. The end result was a much more satisfying sex life for this couple.

Making sure that your bedroom is a great place for both intimacy and a sound sleep can be tough- trying to match both partners needs and wants around a good night's sleep.  Here are some tips to help keep the bedroom both intimate and functional:

  1. Make your bedroom a retreat from the world by  adding comfortable linens, pillows and bedding. Remember how cozy a hotel bed can feel? It's all about the softness and comfort factor that is there- so add some to your own bed. Aromatherapy is great too, use some vanilla or lavender candles to improve the mood and set the tone for sleep and other intimate activities.
  2. Keep the room free of TV, video games or other electronics. These can be noisy, distracting and energy drainers- not what you want to have going on in the bedroom.
  3. Invest in some attractive, comfortable pajamas- cozy doesn't necessarily mean old, worn or ugly. The right pajamas can look and feel good to both of you. Send the message that you still care about how you look!
  4.  Compromise on the temperature and light in the room - if you prefer the air like the arctic and your partner is more of a tropical person, agree on a temperature that you can both live with and be accommodating to one another. Have extra blankets around or a heating pad handy so that you can both enjoy your sleep without arguments.

Keeping your bedroom a healthy, functioning  environment will help you and your relationship function better too. Remember that changes can be quick and easy, but still make a huge impact on your love life.

Make your current love feel brand new again by refreshing your relationships

Renew and refresh your relationship in a few minutes each day

Make your current love feel brand new again by refreshing your relationshipsTake advantage of technology; text and send e-cards. With so many of us pressed for time, why not use technology to “keep in touch” during the day. A compliment, an affection or a quick “Hello, You are being thought of” via text can spark anyone’s day. E-cards are fast, and convenient. There are many sites that allow you to send them for free. You can find any type of sentiment from cute and funny, to serious and romantic or teasingly sexy. The bonus is that you can include a personal message along with it if you’d like.

Hold hands, hug and give quick kisses often. Nothing is as good for the soul and the emotional health of a person as the human touch. As teenagers, we hold hands, give quick kisses as hello and goodbye and cuddle as we sit close. Why not keep that sense of youth no matter how old we are or how long we have been have together as a couple? Holding hands keeps a connection and closeness, no matter what we are doing. An enthusiastic hug uplifts us; a quick kiss says “glad to see you”.

Kind words, Praise, compliment and thank you...liberally and often. Rather than concentrating on what your partner “doesn’t do anymore”, think about what they do. They may not bring you flowers like in the beginning, but what other ways are they considerate? The saying “seeing your glass full or half empty” has validity. If we compliment people on what they DO, instead of harping on what they don’t, we’d be surprised how responsive a person can be. Being appreciated with a “thank you”, makes most people enthusiastic about doing more. Complimenting your partner on their qualities of patience or creativity will easily be a high point in their day. And with enough Thank yous and compliments, you never know. That intimate evening might just follow.

Strengthen your art of conversation. If you find yourself with “nothing to talk about anymore”, find something to start the conversation. Fill your partner in on the “funny“ things that happened at work, the gossip; anything trivial and interesting. Remember, we all need to use our partners as a “sounding board," but if that is the only conversation that we are having with our “significant other," even the most sympathetic listener can have a breaking point. Make “sharing your day” a pleasure event, not a dreaded evil.

Be a good listener. There still is the time when your partner will need you to be there, just to listen. You have probably heard the joke a thousand times and heard the family issue twice that often, so listening to your partner is not always easy. The extra effort, however, can be priceless. Remember, often people don’t want their problems solved, just a shoulder to lean on. Taking away the burden of “fixing it," might make it easier.

Make love often and with passion. The beauty of a long term sexual relationship is that the intimacy builds over the years. That intimacy makes sex much more genuine, gratifying and fulfilling. It is also an area that is not often put high on the importance scale. Work, career, school, and kids often exhaust our energy so we find it hard to “be in the mood." Make the intimate part of your relation a high priority. Make time for “love sessions." Take time to “make love” rather than just have sex. Use candles, perfume, or whatever that is that get your juices flowing. Like all else in life, intimacy dies if it is not nourished. Feeding it with affection, compliments and time will make it something that feels less like an obligation at the end of a hard day, but something to look forward to.